Jase Takes On...

Rounding off my D.C. trio of previous postings is the fact that D. and I are taking indefinite time off from each other. We talked a couple of times via phone, during which I pursued exploration of our situation and how to move forward. Unfortunately I got fed up with D. telling me that if I needed space, all I had to do was ask for it. I interpreted his repetition of that fact as a litany requesting space, so I opted to grant him that time off from me.

The following are the last two paragraphs of a letter I sent him, in response to an email where he reiterated the usual contradiction of wanting me in his life, but understanding if I need space right now. It was the electronic straw that broke this camel's back.

I should clarify that my love for you isn't the passionate, new-relationship thing -- we've already been through that. Rather, it's the realization that you would provide the stable soulmate kind of connection with nurturing. I think if you'd have given me a chance, you might have found the same, and the happiness you so desperately want. But that's just me.

Meanwhile, I'll be damned if I'm going to lose another potential relationship while I wait for you to sort yourself out... What I'm trying to say is that I wish you and I had worked out, but I am capable of finding happiness with someone else.

I suppose that sounds a bit harsh, but I found his whole approach extremely patronizing. It was probably not meant that way, but that didn't make it less aggravating!

Maybe we'll talk again, and maybe we won't. But I might as well wonder if he'll ever get his life together enough to allow anyone inside his comfort zone, because either way I'm still on the outside looking in.

I thank D. for one thing though: helping me realize that I am truly, 100% ready for a loving, monogamous relationship. This is something I've been working towards after my infamous ex, and sometimes I've thought I was ready, and sometimes I thought I wasn't. Finally I know that I am, and that is a very precious revelation.