Jase Takes On...

This has been a difficult evening... I broke off a relationship with someone I'd been casually dating for the last seven months. Although I don't think there's been anything emotional there (for me) for a few weeks, it was nice to know there was someone there that I could lean on, or depend on, count on even -- for a nice time out; an evening of drinks, dining, and so forth. I never could figure out though if we had a relationship forming or not, and eventually I gave up trying to figure it out.

After talking tonight (over a peanut butter cup martini for me; my second, his fourth) I still don't know how he felt about me. He liked me enough to date me for that long, but not enough to commit. Or so I view it. It was amicable enough, at least this evening, so I guess it was okay. I'll find out later this week!

We haven't been talking much for a couple of weeks, and he actually asked me tonight if I wanted to discuss anything, or if everything "was okay." I had to bring up a quote from my friend: the phone rings two ways.

At any rate, that is done. I'm not terribly proud of letting things go unsaid for this long, even if it wasn't my responsibility 100%, because I've been dating someone else whom I really like. A lot. And I haven't been spending time with the casual dating guy, because of this. I really wanted to make that break, because the new guy is really important to me. It's been three weeks of actual, in-person dating (we were talking before that) and I am crazy about him. To put this in perspective, I usually end up somewhat aloof, and I run from anyone who starts showing me affection, or signs of commitment. It's become a joke among my friends that I have commitment phobia. However, with this one, for the first time in a long time I seem to be that guy who wants to display all that affection.... and I've been afraid that he would be the one to withdraw, like I have in the past. Apparently he is also afraid of getting hurt.

So I am both excited, and terrified. My self-defense mechanisms started kicking in this week, telling me to back off to protect myself. And I don't want to do that; I don't want to screw this one up, because instinctively it seems like A Good Thing (tm).

But it's a tough adjustment to attitude for myself to make.