Jase Takes On...

Crow

2006-08-16T22:42:00.000-04:00

I am slowly getting better at the yoga posture "crow." By better, I mean I can hold it longer than three seconds without falling.

Just One Night

2006-08-13T11:53:00.000-04:00

This weekend marked my first, and likely last, one-night stand.

I met a really sweet guy who was visiting from L.A., on Saturday morning. We agreed that we'd both enjoy hanging out while he was in town, so I set up a dinner date that night.

Dinner was fun, and my date was good company. He worked for a particular company in an industry I was familiar with, so aside from his celebrity anecdotes, we had a common interest base. He was also very cute, with amazingly blue eyes and a tight, toned body. Given the mutual attraction it was natural that we ended up spending some intimate time together. (No alcohol was involved with either party, I might add.)

Unforunately for me, I was never fully comfortable with the situation. I've never been one for casual sex; I've always sought, and had, an emotional connection with the person. It's not out of any moralistic background, nor fear of being labelled a whore. I prefer that the physical intimacy represents something more substantial. So on some level, I felt I was basically having sex just because it was available, and I was not able to fully relax and enjoy myself. This bugged me at first; why couldn't I relax in a mutual give-and-take of appreciation and affection?

It's funny, because I was just reading a blog by a guy who decided to go out and pick up two others for a threesome, and he enjoyed it, but later felt guilt for being who he was. My situation is opposite, in that I don't have guilt, but I wasn't being true to myself. I really want that emotional bond, and without it, the physical doesn't give me what I'm looking for.

So I've learned something more about myself. Specifically, I came out of this experience having re-learned the lesson that I'm not into random encounters. Although I should know by now, never say never. ;)

Crazy Talk

2006-08-12T11:50:00.000-04:00

My ex of seven months (that's two relationships ago now, for those keeping score) has, in my opinion, gone a bit off the deep end. This is the ex who didn't seem to have, or show, anything beyond a slight affection towards me; nor did he ever claim to have had these kinds of feelings.

Which makes his recent actions rather strange. I've hung out with a close friend of his on a couple of occasions now, including in a group outing with the ex. There's some potential interest between his friend and I, as we have a lot of common interests, but whether there is any true chemistry or compatibility has yet to be determined. We haven't even had a date yet!

Yet the ex has decided that this situation is unacceptable. He tried to tell his friend not to see me (after originally saying he was okay if we were to go out). When that didn't go over, the ex decided that I was to be ignored, and I received a scathing email about my disrepsect for him. Apparently his friend and I are not permitted to find our own happiness, without his permission and blessing.

What really gives me pause is a comment in the email, in which something the ex said made me wonder if he has feelings for this friend. They've known each other for several years; so it would be odd that nothing has happened if that was the case.

But something is not right. The email, besides being critical of me (and blaming me for the situation, and the argument the ex had with his friend) was... poorly written, as if the author was in a very bad state of mind. The whole thing is bl0wn out of proportion, given that there are three independent parties involved, and frankly, my ex shouldn't really have any involvement in this at all.

Is it a control issue, or are there unspoken and unadmitted feelings for someone? Who can say... but it sure is annoying! And rather sad, as I genuinely liked the ex, and thought he and I had a good friendship left over.

I can't take responsibility for him or his feelings, particularly when they are kept so private.

Back In the Game

2006-08-08T15:45:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling much better now than in my last post. Mentally, that is. I had another weekend which ended with me being sleep deprived -- for good reasons this time! -- and I have an upset stomach for no particular reason.

The short explanation is that instead of sitting around and moping for a week that a relationship with T. didn't work out, I decided that I should do what any sensible jockey would do: get back in the saddle after a fall.

It worked. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I'm sorting through four guys. Instead of fearing having to date again, I'm enjoying the fact that I have people that I can choose to go on dates with.

At this stage, only one has been met in person, and two haven't progressed beyond phone calls. And one of those I've ruled out for being, well, nice but boring. I guess it will be interesting to see where I am next week.

Of course, the situation is more complicated. Do I hear you asking why? One is friends with an ex, one went to high school with me (does that still count as a date?), and one also went to my high school -- a few years after me.

And if I'm honest, D. is always in the background. My friend (a.k.a. the Infamous Ex) is convinced that D. is my "Sex and the City" Mr. Big. Like Carrie Bradshaw, I'm connected to a loving yet resistant man, who is (physically) distant yet available when I need to feel grounded. Or serves as a reminder of what a whirlwind, passionate romantic interlude can be about. Our times together come and go, but the bond we've forged keeps bringing us back to each other.

Interesting times.... I think the rest of 2006 is going to be one helluva year.

Sleep Deprived

2006-07-30T07:38:00.000-04:00

It's been a tough weekend, as I knew it would be. The first few nights are always the worst, because it's when I'm alone at night, in bed, that the thinking starts. Which makes it tough to sleep!

Friday was the worst, and I doubt I got more than four or five hours of sleep; with only about three of those being consecutive. Last night I stayed up until 1:30, and got up this morning at 6:30... which means I'm still going to be running on mild sleep deprivation, until I can get caught up. I kept fairly busy yesterday, and had company for a good chunk of the day, but that doesn't really help me when it's bedtime.

One of my thoughts about T. has been on his comment that he didn't feel that we really clicked. I thought we had similar values, similar personalities, no question about the phsyical attraction... but I had noticed that a lot of times, our conversations just didn't "flow." There would be pauses, or I felt like I had to work harder to keep the conversation going.

I can be a quiet person, and I think that perhaps T. (despite his self-description as an extrovert) is similar. Which means we both had to work harder sometimes? In any case, I felt this was just part of the getting-to-know stage. I used to be struck quiet around D. when we first met, for example, because I got "tongue-tied." And he's super-extroverted. I figured that with T., it was just a matter of getting to know each other better. And to be less affected by being seriously 'in like,' which always makes me quiet around someone. I wonder if T. noticed this same phenomenon, but being relatively inexperienced in relationships, opted not to ride it out.

I also suspect T. was guilty of my other problem -- overanalyzing things. To death. Except that my overanalyzing stemmed from my gut feelings that something wasn't right, and it turned out, that something wasn't right. (Note to self: trust instincts next time.)

Dumped Already

2006-07-28T19:08:00.000-04:00

Man, that was faster than I'd break off with someone. I'd been thinking for the last week that things didn't feel right, but all my friends insisted that was foolish on my part.

Turns out my gut feelings were right though.

T. called me last night, to invite me over to his city (he lives 45 min away) to go out for dinner, and stay overnight. He also invited me out to see a show with his theatre friends in a couple of weeks. We had already bought Cirque du Soleil tickets for next weekend.

So I was reassured that everything was cool. Then tonight, as I was getting ready to head out, he called and asked if I'd like to meet halfway. I asked him what was up.

The short version: he didn't want to date me, and couldn't or wouldn't give a reason why. Claimed he did not know the reason.

Yes, it hurts. Yes, this is my third relationship with a 27 year old that has ended in unhappy fashion. Yes, I really thought he had potential.

But I was mistaken. I have no idea what he is or was thinking. All I know, and can take responsibility for, is myself.

And right now I want nothing to do with any guy, because I hate going through this. I've already gone through two ugly breakups with people I genuinely loved, and even this one -- with a state of "like" -- is really tough. I'm not sure what I'll come out of this with, but hopefully some positive state of mind will eventually arise.

At least this makes the stress at work lately seem trivial in comparison.

Lance Bass Gay "Shocker"

2006-07-26T14:37:00.000-04:00

From the totally obvious department:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Lance Bass, band member of 'N Sync, says he's gay and in a "very stable" relationship with a reality show star.

Does this actually surprise anyone? Certainly not me.

Bass, who formed 'N Sync with Justin Timberlake, JC Chasez, Joey Fatone and Chris Kirkpatrick, tells People magazine that he didn't earlier disclose his sexuality because he didn't want to affect the group's popularity.

"I knew that I was in this popular band and I had four other guys' careers in my hand, and I knew that if I ever acted on it or even said (that I was gay), it would overpower everything," he tells the magazine.

Bass says he wondered if his coming out could prompt "the end of 'N Sync." He explains, "So I had that weight on me of like, 'Wow, if I ever let anyone know, it's bad.' So I just never did."

The singer says he's in a "very stable" relationship with 32-year-old actor Reichen Lehmkuhl, winner of season four of CBS' "Amazing Race."

"The thing is, I'm not ashamed -- that's the one thing I want to say," Bass says. "I don't think it's wrong, I'm not devastated going through this. I'm more liberated and happy than I've been my whole life. I'm just happy."

The full article can be found at CNN.com.

Related question: why do guys with attractive boyfriends seem to go out of their way to assert how "great" or "stable" the relationship is?

Technorati Tags: lancebass gay nsync

"That Damned Kelly Clarkson Song"

2006-07-25T14:33:00.000-04:00

If I had a dollar every time I heard or read the subject phrase, "....that damned Kelly Clarkson song...," I'd have about $5US. Still, there is an underlying truism to that meme, and it's that Kelly Clarkson has gotten good at putting out catchy tunes with great production values. And unlike, say, Britney Spears, I think Kelly can really sing.

So I'd like to link to a couple of Kelly's music videos. First is for Behind These Hazel Eyes, a song with special meaning to me in 2006. It was a primary song during my post-D. struggle, which helped me deal with some of the emotional pain I was feeling, as well as helping me to feel more empowered than I might have otherwise. (Amazing what good music can do.) Recently discovering the music video, I again delved into this song, as well as my memories of the good times with D.. The gloriously decrepit gothic undertones of this video are awesome, as is the moment when a darker Kelly beatifically blesses her innocent counterpart.

The other video is Walk Away, which is particularly amusing to me as a corporate office drone. I think anyone with a job will appreciate this video. It also serves to nod, with tongue-in-cheek, at the subject of this entry: that Kelly has these darned catchy tunes!

Enjoy.

Technorati Tags: kellyclarkson clarkson

Luck 'o the Irish

2006-07-24T14:30:00.000-04:00

This weekend's major social venue was attending the Irish Fest on Friday night. From hot eye candy to train wrecks, there was a little bit o' everything as far as attendees go. Some drunken man gave T. and I each enough tickets to get a beer, which was quite nice. (I certainly didn't complain!)

I ate more "fair food" than I should have, but it was all quite tasty, especially washed down with some Harp lager. I met some of T.'s friends for the first time, and apparently got initial approval, which is always a good step. The funniest thing at the festival was one of the bands, which seemed like a mashup of indie rock band with a bagpipe player. Well, maybe it wasn't that funny, but it was an interesting amalgamation of two sounds. We could have done without their injunction for the audience to take off their shirts, which became the band's ode to the shirtless in the crowd. Sadly none of these impromptu strippers, who were happy to twirl their erstwhile garments overhead, were anything exciting to look at.

Afterwards we closed a nearby, cute little Irish bar (I think it was called Cornerstone). Needless to say, T. and I slept in quite late the next day. I didn't do much else Saturday, other than rest and recover.

Sunday I went to a cookout celebrating the christening of my cousin's son. More unhealthy, but delicious, food was involved. The priest attended and showed up -- driving a motorcycle! I gather he is also a big fan of Apple products, and has two or three Apple computers, and I believe an iPod with video. These are not the kinds of interests one expects a priest to have, but it was nice to see a member of the clergy who wasn't stodgy.

Get Your Sexy On

2006-07-23T21:28:00.000-04:00

I've never been a huge fan of Justin Timberlake, but I am really digging his new single, SexyBack. I'd heard that he was doing a new style of album, hearkening back to the sexy funk of Prince -- an album to not even utilize Justin's well-known falsetto. This is a very synth-focused arrangement with a steadily pulsating 4/4 beat, so of course I like the music.

The lyrics aren't anything special, but they work well in the context of this song. I do especially like the first line: "I'm bringing sexy back (yeah), them other boys don't know how to act." I'm sure all the gay boys will love that one too. The bit about being a slave, and "I'll let you whip me if I misbehave" is another gem.

The chorus, with its grinding litany of sexuality, is a get-in-your-head-and-stick-there interlude. I'm sure plenty of listeners will "drink some of him," indeed, after they have the chance to rock out to this song. I'm not so sure about the voice calling out the parts of the song, which reminds me of Tom Jones; but I suppose that gives this song an aura of sexual credibility, given Tom Jones' reputation with female fans.

And no, you won't find any falsetto crooning in SexyBack.

Some links about this Justin and his new album:

Observer Interview
MTV says 'Back' in Style
Bringing sexy back? from Observer Blog
Official Website (preview the single here)
Is Justin Timberlake bringing sexy back, or is he just gay?

Kylie's Post-Cancer Comeback

2006-07-21T13:07:00.000-04:00

Kylie Minogue's British comeback gigs sold out in just six minutes Friday.

Shortly afterwards, £55 ($100) tickets went on sale on eBay for £599 ($1,100) for two, ready to earn a healthy profit for the seller.

The Australian singer, 38, who is recovering from breast cancer, is to play London's Wembley Arena in the last shows of her "Showgirl Homecoming" world tour.

Fans jammed phone lines when tickets went on sale at 9 a.m., the UK's Press Association reported.

The original shows were scheduled for January 2 and 3. Two further shows were then announced for January 5 and 6 and the demand was so great that the venue's computer system crashed, PA said.

Promoters went on then to add two final dates for January 8 and 9.

Minogue's live agent Dave Chumbley told PA: "The demand for Kylie is absolutely phenomenal and these are the fastest selling shows I have ever experienced.

"It will be fantastic to see Kylie back on stage again."

The star was forced to halt her "Showgirl Tour" in May last year when she was diagnosed with cancer. She will begin her rescheduled dates in Sydney on November 11.

Minogue is working on a new album for possible release next year.

Last month her tour manager, Michael Gudinski, managing director of the Frontier Touring Co., announced a series of concerts in Australia, saying he had just returned from meetings with the singer in London.

"She's definitely through the worst of everything, she's so determined and she can't wait to see you all," Gudinski said.

"Obviously she's still got a few mountains to climb, but we're very, very confident that the tour will be going ahead in November."

Minogue had completed dates on her "Showgirl Tour" in Europe and was heading to Australia for homecoming concerts when she was diagnosed with cancer in May 2005.

She underwent surgery to remove a lump from her breast and is reportedly still undergoing cancer treatment.

Gudinski said the November 11-December 17 concert series in Australia would begin the "Showgirl Homecoming" tour and that Minogue's work commitments would be lighter because of her illness.

(via cnn.com)

Just Another Day

2006-07-18T13:33:00.000-04:00

It's hot and humid here in Cleveland today.

I got the photos from the weekend at Harborfest, and added one of them to yesterday's blog post. My friend B. and I took them with his super deluxe digital SLR camera. That thing is great! (As it should be given the cost.) Of course, as with all good things there is a price: you can capture someone's pores from a block away! Which means I'd better reacquaint myself with Photoshop, heh.

Since B. was kind enough to take and share photos, due to my current inability to locate a suitable camera for myself, I think it's only fair I give a shout-out by sharing photos of his son.

This sweet kid had a ball that day. Especially when he was trying to crawl on, or under, the big chains that separated us landlubbers from Lake Erie.

He was a little cranky by the time we were done, but with the crowds and the sun in full force, I think we were all happy to leave. But a good time was had by all, and that's what's important.

Yay for Me!

2006-07-17T13:54:00.000-04:00

I'm pleased (and somewhat shy) to announce that I have an honest-to-goodness boyfriend. Friday I popped the question -- about being exclusive in our dating lives, that is -- and he said yes. More specifically he kissed me in a langorous fashion, then informed me that his affectionate action doubled as a yes. I did my best to create a romantic mood, with candlelight, a red rose and suitable music in the background. Then we went out for a lovely dinner at Players. It was a very good evening!

Saturday we went to Harborfest to see the Tall Ships, which wasn't as exciting as I'd though it would be, but it was an excuse to get outside in the sun. We spent the rest of the day together, and he ended up staying overnight. Despite the warmth (air conditioning only goes so far when two warm bodies share a bed!) it was great to have him close to me another night.

I look forward to our next date, which will likely be a mid-week dinner.

Big Night Planned

2006-07-14T10:20:00.000-04:00

Tonight I have a date with T. -- this will mark a month of dating. Which isn't a lot in the grand scheme of things, I know, but it's pretty exciting for me given how much I like him so far! My litmus test has been the two month mark: I tend to have an idea what I think of someone after one month, and after two I know if I feel it's worth continuing a relationship or not. I'm planning to take T. out for a romantic dinner tonight. I still need to buy a nice red rose, as part of the package. W00t!

This has been a rough morning, so it's good to have something to look forward to. Tonight will revolve around dinner; tomorrow will be visiting Harborfest, a Cleveland tradition that includes a variety of seafaring vessels known as the Tall Ships. We'll be joining my friend B. and his young ("still counting in months") son. It will be a great weekend all-around, I'm sure.

My New Blog

2006-07-14T10:19:00.000-04:00

I've finally started up a yoga-related blog to share my yoga experiences: Jase On Yoga. Feel free to take a peak!

Ending One Chapter

2006-07-11T21:05:00.000-04:00

This has been a difficult evening... I broke off a relationship with someone I'd been casually dating for the last seven months. Although I don't think there's been anything emotional there (for me) for a few weeks, it was nice to know there was someone there that I could lean on, or depend on, count on even -- for a nice time out; an evening of drinks, dining, and so forth. I never could figure out though if we had a relationship forming or not, and eventually I gave up trying to figure it out.

After talking tonight (over a peanut butter cup martini for me; my second, his fourth) I still don't know how he felt about me. He liked me enough to date me for that long, but not enough to commit. Or so I view it. It was amicable enough, at least this evening, so I guess it was okay. I'll find out later this week!

We haven't been talking much for a couple of weeks, and he actually asked me tonight if I wanted to discuss anything, or if everything "was okay." I had to bring up a quote from my friend: the phone rings two ways.

At any rate, that is done. I'm not terribly proud of letting things go unsaid for this long, even if it wasn't my responsibility 100%, because I've been dating someone else whom I really like. A lot. And I haven't been spending time with the casual dating guy, because of this. I really wanted to make that break, because the new guy is really important to me. It's been three weeks of actual, in-person dating (we were talking before that) and I am crazy about him. To put this in perspective, I usually end up somewhat aloof, and I run from anyone who starts showing me affection, or signs of commitment. It's become a joke among my friends that I have commitment phobia. However, with this one, for the first time in a long time I seem to be that guy who wants to display all that affection.... and I've been afraid that he would be the one to withdraw, like I have in the past. Apparently he is also afraid of getting hurt.

So I am both excited, and terrified. My self-defense mechanisms started kicking in this week, telling me to back off to protect myself. And I don't want to do that; I don't want to screw this one up, because instinctively it seems like A Good Thing (tm).

But it's a tough adjustment to attitude for myself to make.

Where To Now?

2006-06-28T15:00:00.000-04:00

Rounding off my D.C. trio of previous postings is the fact that D. and I are taking indefinite time off from each other. We talked a couple of times via phone, during which I pursued exploration of our situation and how to move forward. Unfortunately I got fed up with D. telling me that if I needed space, all I had to do was ask for it. I interpreted his repetition of that fact as a litany requesting space, so I opted to grant him that time off from me.

The following are the last two paragraphs of a letter I sent him, in response to an email where he reiterated the usual contradiction of wanting me in his life, but understanding if I need space right now. It was the electronic straw that broke this camel's back.

I should clarify that my love for you isn't the passionate, new-relationship thing -- we've already been through that. Rather, it's the realization that you would provide the stable soulmate kind of connection with nurturing. I think if you'd have given me a chance, you might have found the same, and the happiness you so desperately want. But that's just me.

Meanwhile, I'll be damned if I'm going to lose another potential relationship while I wait for you to sort yourself out... What I'm trying to say is that I wish you and I had worked out, but I am capable of finding happiness with someone else.

I suppose that sounds a bit harsh, but I found his whole approach extremely patronizing. It was probably not meant that way, but that didn't make it less aggravating!

Maybe we'll talk again, and maybe we won't. But I might as well wonder if he'll ever get his life together enough to allow anyone inside his comfort zone, because either way I'm still on the outside looking in.

I thank D. for one thing though: helping me realize that I am truly, 100% ready for a loving, monogamous relationship. This is something I've been working towards after my infamous ex, and sometimes I've thought I was ready, and sometimes I thought I wasn't. Finally I know that I am, and that is a very precious revelation.

D.C. Part Three - Final

2006-06-26T14:37:00.000-04:00

Yes, the final D.C. post... I promise!

Saturday evening rolls around, after D. took a nap and I made some phone calls, mainly because I was too agitated to rest or be around him at that time.

Eventually D. and I went to dinner; he took me to a nice, trendy little restaurant called Firefly, which I believe was near (or on the outskirts of) Dupont Circle. It was a cozy little venue, and reminded me of Cleveland's Fahrenheit, although with a brighter decor. I had steak with fritte, which was tasty although the reduction was a tad salty. He had halibut with roasted fingerling potatoes in a morel based emulsion. Of course I started with a cocktail, something featuring pureed melon. Dessert was D.'s coup de grace: a glass of Moet champagne. (I do adore bubbly.) The check came out in a canning jar with holes in the lid -- reminiscent of how children capture the restaurant's namesake. I was pleasantly surprised when D. picked up the tab, as I wasn't expecting to be treated on this possibly-a-date.

Our next destination was a farewell party that included D.'s closest circle of friends. I drank way to much of a vodka drink that tasted like lemonade; it certainly snuck up on me! While there I hit it off with another D., who I'd have been interested in were I not focused on my host; as well as "Jake." Apparently I was the envy of other party-goers for being able converse with Jake, who got his nickname for resembling a certain breakfasts Mountain actor. Like it's my fault that he was an intelligent conversationalist, who apparently enjoyed the same in me!

Our final stop for the evening was a bar called Cobalt, and that is where things got ugly. I ended up in a public confrontation and fight with D. Because I found myself stranded, alone in a gay bar in an unknown city. I didn't spend much time with him the rest of the evening, which is unfortunate, because we'd never been able to dance before.

The evening ended with drunken "I love you's" being exchanged, and what I thought was real emotional bonding after the cathartic release engendered by fighting. Sadly, the next morning proved this a false assumption on my part: D. informed me that he did not love me in a romantic sense, and although he couldn't keep his hands off me, it didn't mean he was ready to start a relationship. He wryly admitted to seeking perfection in himself before he could focus on another person. I never did quite figure out if he didn't want any relationship, or was just avoiding one with me. Not that it matters.

Sunday afternoon we parted at the airport. D. appropriately played what I like to call "slit your wrist" music on the way there; it perfectly suited my wretched mood. I really can't convey the sadness I felt on that drive, listening to melancholy music while the grey sky was punctuated by trees shaking their storm-turned leaves.

The worst part was actually saying goodbye; I don't think he quite wanted to hug me, and it was awkward for a second as I initiated the embrace and told him that I loved him. Then, it was over.

I came home to an even greyer Cleveland, feeling like I'd lost some vital part of myself. I suppose in a way, I had.

D.C. Part Two: Daytime, Saturday

2006-06-24T11:21:00.000-04:00

Saturday was the bulk of my time "doing things" in D.C. with my friend D.. (See Part One if you missed the introduction to my trip and Friday's happenings.)

Being a baker, D. offered to make breakfast for me that morning, after we'd walked his adorable rescued dogs, Zoe and Elmo. I chose his offer of extra-special waffles. They really were extra-special; it said so in the cookbook! Topped with good maple syrup, walnuts and chocolate chips, they were quite yummy and a good start to the day. I was interested in doing the touristy things, so that's what we did: a trip to downtown D.C..

Our first stop was the Capitol Building where we joined the throngs taking photographs. Then we walked across the mall towards the Washington Monument, but didn't make it all the way there -- I wimped out due to my knee.

We visited two of the Smithsonian buildings, and I got to see all sorts of cool things. Among them were the Hope diamond, various dinosaur displays, the fossil cleaning room, Dorothy's Ruby Red Slippers, a variety of Muppets including Kermit and the Swedish Chef (but not Miss Piggy!)... I could go on all day, and that was only from two of the buildings.

Our next priority was lunch, and we ate downtown at Old Ebbitt Grill. The food was good, but the service was not. The words "inattentive" and "sluggish" come to mind. Full from the late meal, we took the driving tour of the other parts of D.C. on our way home, which gave me glimpses of the Pentagon, Arlington National Cemetery and the Jefferson monument. It was heading towards early evening, the way the sun sparkled off of the Potomac River was beautiful. D. was playing a CD I'd burned for him, which reflected our recent non-relationship, and in turn a couple of its tracks are now burned in my mind with the sunshine of our drive and the sparkling of that river... precious memories to add to my collection.

On the way home we passed through the infamous tunnel -- a tunnel that D. often drives through while we're on the phone, which usually causes his phone to drop our call. It was cool to actually experience the tunnel.

One last stop was to buy a gag gift for a going-away present to one of D.'s friends, who was the guest of honor at a party that night. D. wanted to find something big and possibly fragile, that would be awkward to move. I was pleased to spot the chosen gift: tiki torches! He bought two, and was pleased with the find.

That concluded our afternoon, and we went back to his home where the kids were happy to see us. Elmo took a particular shine to me, but I gather he likes guys in general, whereas Zoe is more standoffish. Doug took a nap while I went to use the phone. We had some tension because I was frustrated with our lack of communication, or our inability to explore our thoughts and feelings. After all, the purpose of this visit was to reconnect; to explore where our almost-two-years of shared history and not-quite-dating could take us today.

The things is, D. and I have never both been completely single, free of other emotional ties and prepared to date -- at the same time. We've both been in love with each other, and we both still do have feelings we label as love, but there was the question of actual romance and if there was any such feeling after six months apart.

There were definitely some feelings to explore, and things took a turn for the ugly, as will be described soon in D.C. Part Three.

D.C. Part 1 - The Arrival

2006-06-22T13:28:00.000-04:00

I've been very reluctant to write about my trip to D.C., because the visit included a lot of personal, emotional upheaval in tandem with my time spent seeing the sights that the capitol city has to offer. And I've not wanted to write about these non-tangible things yet, because they've started a catalystic process for me; a paradigm shift on who I really am^#1, what's holding me back from pursuing various things, and what I want out of life at this time. Nothing like a change of scenery and a confirmation of love to twist the psyche inside out, eh?

Friday 9 June I headed to Cleveland's airport to catch a 4:30pm flight, scheduled to arrive at BWI about 6pm. This was also my first completely solo experience taking a flight at an airport, so I was nervous about being on time, navigating long-term parking, and such things that people do all the time but that were new to me. I managed quite well though, and as it turns out my flight was delayed due to weather conditions in Baltimore (and possibly from wherever the Boeing 747 was coming from).

I arrived at BWI a little past 7pm, I believe, and waited for my friend D. to arrive. Of course, traffic was heavy, and the tail end of the rain was slowing everything down. He finally found me and I got to ride in his swanky new car (a higher end Accord, fully loaded) as we pulled away from the airport. I was quite cranky, since I'd somehow managed to avoid any form of food, unless you count a canned protein shake I downed before I left home -- and I'm sure my blood sugar was off! I felt bad about it soon though, because I hadn't seen my friend D. in six months, and wanted to make a good impression. Frankly, I was looking pretty good -- I had a snug polo and flattering jeans on, and with my head mostly shaved for the summer, it was a good look for me. Of course I thought D., who'd been working out heavily, was looking good too... but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of coming out and saying so! (We do that sort of thing; avoiding what we really want to say at times.)^#2

After visiting his home and meeting his sweet dogs (hi kids!) we went to a Mexican restaurant for dinner, one Samantha's. A delicious taquitos appetizer sated me as I waited for my chimichanga to arrive; of course, I could only eat half of that! The chicken all had a very good, marinated-type flavor to it, and their guacamole was especially delicious. I'd heard of this restaurant for as long as I'd been talking to D. so it was nice to go there. Of course, all the staff knew him by name, which was funny.

After dinner, we headed back to his home to chill out. I was too tired to go out, so we vegged on his couch and ended up watching War of the Worlds. Soon after starting we managed to end up in a cuddling position, with him reclined back against me. It was really nice, and was a good way to wrap up my first evening there.

#1: Yes, that all sounds very grandiose. But that doesn't make it less true. The fact is, there is a lot of stuff that I have probably had swirling around in me that I just avoided actively dealing with, because that would cause change. And I don't like change! So really it boils down to opening my horizons, as well as teaching me that there are some changes in my life that I need to make or else accept where I am.

#2: I later found out that D. thought I looked pretty hot too. In fact, he'd worried if I would think he was too bulky, based on comments I'd made about my ex's new proportions! It was quite sweet.

Blak Redux

2006-06-13T11:23:00.000-04:00

I was strolling through the coffee aisle of my local grocery store when a new product on the shelf caught my eye. It was Blak, the Coca-Cola product I wrote about a few months ago. The carbonated mixture of coke and coffee sounded strange, and not so appealing, at the time. Yet it was still intriguing.

I must not have been the only curious customer, because there was one case left on the shelf, which I hurriedly grabbed. Four slim, stylish brown bottles in a carton were now mine to ponder.

My first sip came at work this morning, and it was surprisingly good. I'm not sure how to describe it: it tasted like coke, and like coffee, yet not like either one. The two flavors of cola and coffee blend in a complementary fashion creating a sweetly effervescent and caffeinated fusion of tastes that I could get attached to.

Fortunately for me, I've cut back on caffeine and I don't drink much soda. So I won't become addicted to this new caffeine fix. But I can say that I enjoyed my taste of Blak.

Stay Tuned for D.C.

2006-06-12T12:13:00.000-04:00

I went to D.C. this weekend, stay tuned to read about my trip. I plan to do two posts; one about my time around the city, and one about relationships that were involved. Maybe I'll even post a photo or two!

JPod

2006-06-12T10:54:00.000-04:00

Douglas Coupland's new book, JPod, is finally available. Sadly, it doesn't seem to have many good reviews so far at amazon.com.

I am quite disappointed by this. I really enjoyed his classic Microserfs, and was looking forward to a new tale of the perilous lives of angst-ridden young tech workers in the new millenium. These reviews suggest that JPod is a wordy, self-referential attempt to unsuccessfully recreate the author's past succuss.

I'm sure I'll read JPod at some point. But maybe I'll wait for the paperback.

Resting Asana

2006-05-30T17:44:00.000-04:00

Savasana, the yogic resting pose, done feline-style.

(Sorry, I couldn't resist!)

The Skinny

2006-05-26T15:31:00.000-04:00

This blog post was so funny and well-written that I had to share it. If you are thin in a world catering to people who aren't, then you must read it!

Two Thoughts

2006-05-26T15:27:00.000-04:00

Here are a couple of thoughts gleaned in my scouring that Interweb thing recently.

1. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did.

2. There is always more work to be done. And nobody is going to be on their deathbed, thinking, "I wish I'd done more work."

Sharing Lyrics: Only Talking Sense

2006-05-25T12:40:00.000-04:00

Only Talking Sense
(N. Finn/T. Finn)

there's a wild thing in the woolshed
and it's keeping me awake at night
a devil in the closet
and a feeling I'd prefer to hide
he is religion
he won't hear me when I cry for help
he has a vision of me
but I am somebody else

we talk the pillow
there are times when I'm tied up to the fence
only talking sense

there's a mirror lake before me
but I'm frozen when it's time to jump
It's like maybe I'm afraid of what I'll find
when independence comes
you steel my shadow
you make my blood run dry

we are true only when we talk the pillow
there are times when I'm tied up to the fence
only talking sense

did you suffer as a child
that's why you want to make me cry
you are afraid of me
that's why you're so unkind
you won't deny it

when your child is tied up to the fence
and I'm only talking sense

lonely when we talk the pillow
and your child is messed up in the head
I'm only talking sense

Props to Kate

2006-01-19T12:29:00.000-05:00

Kate Bush: Supporting gay relationships before it was cool to do so.

Specifically, the song Kashka from Baghdad on the album Lionheart, which is about two men who live together and seem to have their own wonderful, night-time world, which the singer wants to be part of.

Not Such a Jerk (Today)

2006-01-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

I am writing in regards to my previous post. My ex saw it and called to say that he didn't actually see me, or he would have said hello. This is the first time he's actually called to speak to me since the mentioned incident, and whatever his motivations, I give him credit for finally making the effort. I also chose to give him the benefit of the doubt, and edited out the harsher words from said post.

I think he's handled our supposed friendship poorly, and I finally had the chance to tell him so. (He mostly agreed.)

Where do things stand now? Time will tell. I don't know that we'll ever be friends, but at least six years of shared history will allow us to civilly greet each other now in public.

And the Jerk of the Year Award...

2006-01-11T13:23:00.000-05:00

... goes to my ex, who walked past me on the street without a word today!

I don't like him much after this incident. But on principle, and because we will be running into each other in the small (some might say inbred) gay community, I'd have said a polite hello.

He instead chose to stiffly swish on past, and was twenty feet away before I even noticed his presence. After all of his treatment, I still couldn't believe his behavior. More the fool, me!

Blame

2006-01-10T13:17:00.000-05:00

Wherefore Art Thou, Honest Men

2006-01-07T21:03:00.000-05:00

So tonight I found out that Mr. Honest is seeing someone.

Mr. Honest was the guy who was chatty and forward with me, until I asked about a future date, then I got the "no no, I'm too busy, blah blah blah, I don't want to meet anyone right now, blah blah blah, why do people rush, blah blah blah."

Apparently it was really about me, because Mr. Honest had no trouble rushing into a relationship with a new boyfriend a month or so later.

Guys, here's a tip: if you spout those platitudes, you should mean them, because when you contradict yourself it looks bad. And if you prize honesty, you should be -- honest! (Yes, what a shocker.)

My Wallpaper at Work

2006-01-05T13:47:00.000-05:00

Something very quietly majestic about the winter snow over this forest...

Belated Happy New Year

2006-01-05T13:41:00.000-05:00

I'm still here... just trying to decide how to focus this blog for 2006. I don't want to be the friendly confessional friend as with every other personal blog out there; but I'm not sure the gay guy's guide to sex, dating and personal insights on men is going to cut it either.

So I'm musing, pondering, doing some mental mastication.... if you have suggestions, post 'em as comments.

R2, don't leave me here!

Lots of Kylie

2005-12-28T16:03:00.000-05:00

I love this video.

It's from Come Into My World, you philistine! And it's an amazing piece of work, I'd love to see how they made it.

Experience the Moment for Stress-Free Dates

2005-12-16T15:53:00.000-05:00

I felt that I should follow up on my recent post and mention that last week's date went really well.

He was incredibly cute, sweet, very charming and personable. The evening provided a lot of conversation ranging over a variety of subjects. We are currently trying to schedule an outing this weekend. The novelty for this experience is that neither of us is looking to find "The One (tm)" and I don't think either of us is suddenly infatuated with the other. However, we enjoy each other's company, both socially and physically. (Yes, chemistry does play a role here -- thank goodness!)

I can't stress how nice it is to have someone to date and just experience the moment as it happens. This totally eliminates any pressure that I might otherwise feel, and gives me warm fuzzies in time for Christmas. Next time you want to have a date, try not to put a bunch of expectations on it. I promise it's a great way to have a stress-free romantic experience!

Coke Blak Redux

2005-12-15T09:53:00.000-05:00

Hey, I actually called it before Gizmodo did!

I love spotting the trends... now if only I could make money off of doing so.

Skip the Fast Food

2005-12-14T09:14:00.000-05:00

Here's another reason why you should not eat at McDonald's. I think this image speaks for itself.

iPod Underwear. Model Included?

2005-12-12T09:51:00.000-05:00

Two of my favorite things now together, boxers and iPods. Can I get the sexy guy to wear them for me, as well?

Get Blak, Chile!

2005-12-08T14:21:00.000-05:00

Apparently, the Coca-Cola Co. is on the verge of becoming second to PepsiCo for the first time ever (via CNN).

Part of the Coke's aggressive campaign to regain market share will include pushing new products that can compete with flavored bottled waters and energy drinks. One of which is Blak, a carbonated mix of Coke and coffee.

I'm not sure I buy into the concept, but if you want to be trendy, keep your eyes open for Blak in the U.S. in late 2006.

Flush-la-la-la-laaaa.....

2005-12-08T10:13:00.000-05:00

An mp3-playing toilet?

Just what I want for Christmas!

It's Just a Date

2005-12-07T14:05:00.000-05:00

I apparently made a mistake when I recently asked a guy out on a date.

After some email communications we ended up chatting online one afternoon, for four hours. I thought it was really cool that we could chat away without running out of steam. We had some common interests and I thought it would be fun to get together. So, I offhandedly mentioned the possibility of a date.

Imagine the sound of tires screeching... because that's what it felt like!

Personally I'd have been flattered. This guy apparently was not, because he quickly moved to eliminate that dreaded D-label, preferring to say "two nice guys meeting for coffee and conversation."

A few chats later I tried to be playful, and ended up getting the "let's try to be friends" speech.

Of course nothing ever came of that either. I realize everyone has different comfort levels, and that's a good thing. Because I was recently asked on a date by a guy who has the same idea as me: it's a casual meeting of two people who may have a romantic experience, or may not, but it's fun to just see if anything will happen. At minimum, it will (hopefully!) be a good evening.

With this as the backstory, here are some tips for the less romantically experienced.

A date is not a relationship. It's a meeting of two people who might find something in common. It is casual, not a lifelong commitment, and may be the only meeting if things go badly. I repeat, it should NOT be a big deal.
If you don't want to be friends with someone, then don't say you do or pretend you do.
If you do want to be friends, give the other person a chance, as well as the benefit of the doubt. Quality friends are hard to come by, and you never know when someone will turn out to be a great friend, who will be there for you when others are not.
Coyness can be good, but only in a dating context.
Want to be bitchy? Then you'd better make sure you know the person well enough, that the person won't think you're just a jerk. Translation: don't be a smartass when you're feeling out any new relationship.

And a general note is that email and IM can be lousy ways to communicate, because words without more context (as in conversation) can be easily misinterpreted. If you need to have a serious talk, do it via voice or in person.

If anyone would like to disagree or expound upon these points, I welcome your comments.

1,000 Bottles

2005-12-04T10:26:00.000-05:00

Another billionaire wedding, another excuse for bubbly. And oh, with the name Onassis involved, what a wedding it was!

But just imagine:
The bride was expected to wear Valentino, and more than 1,000 bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne were to be opened, the groom's father, Ricardo Miranda, told Brazil's IstoE Dinheiro magazine last week.

One thousand bottles of Veuve... now that's what I call fabulous!

Apologies

2005-12-03T12:22:00.000-05:00

The Thanksgiving holiday weekend, as well as other writing commitments, completely killed my blogging momentum.

I apologize to my readers, and promise to have an update soon. I certainly have a lot of new material to write about. The question is, what to share here?!

But I'm still alive, look for something by the end of this weekend.

Paris 360

2005-11-22T08:18:00.000-05:00

Who won't Microsoft pimp to in an effort to make the XBox 360 a smashing success? Yes, that talented actress and panty-flashing socialite that we all love to hate has an XBox 360.

That's right, if Paris Hilton has an XBox 360, it must be cool! Despite what the New York Post had to say. Those unbelieving Philistines!

Done With Veronica

2005-11-21T21:18:00.000-05:00

I finished getting caught up on season one of Veronica Mars this evening. That last episode was pretty powerful. I was tearing up a little bit at the end!

... Yes, I am a dork. But proud of it!

Top Models Travel to London

2005-11-16T20:34:00.000-05:00

Those girls are staying at The Savoy! I'm so jealous.

And I want Miss Jay's shirt, with the slogan, "Naiomi Hit Me." That is just awesome! Somebody find me one!

And here is a gratuitous photo of Jason Bohring, just because. Mmmm, that cute, dorky look with the goofy smile... makes me melt every time!

If the Timing Isn't Right

2005-11-15T17:11:00.000-05:00

Somewhere out there, as I write this, two people are searching for love. Each of them is a complete individual in his own right, but each knows that together, they can reach a whole new level of completion, where the bond they will share can transcend mundane reality and make each new day a magical experience.

Welcome to reality. Those two people not only have to find each other, but they both have to be ready and willing to commit to a healthy, monogamous relationship. And if it were that easy to sift through the dating pool, wouldn't everybody have such a relationship? (Free of divorce?)

The worst thing, maybe, is when two people meet and connect, but aren't ready or able to be together for some reason. If both acknowledge they aren't ready, then problem solved -- onto the next tawdry string of affairs, until another connection is made. Break out the mojitos!

But when one is ready and one is not, then the walls fade to black, or at least a martini-induced fuzzy grayness. And it's for those of you that I have some words of wisdom to share. You've been dating around (not a euphemism for casual sex in this case). You've met some genuinely good people, but nobody that has "the bond." Suddenly you realize you've experienced that fateful encounter, but you're in a different place than the other person. What to do?

No, these words aren't from me, I'm not always that wise. But these words were shared by a very good friend, who was able to give me a new perspective on certain things. Ready?

It all comes down to timing. If he isn't ready, if he doesn't realize the good things you have to offer, then it wasn't really meant to be. Maybe you put too much stock into that individual. And why pursue a potential mate if he doesn't recognize you? That closeness has to work both ways, after all.

So step back, breathe deep, and move on. It's not your fault, you probably haven't done anything wrong (unless you're a stalker), and there isn't anything you could do. Except become a stalker, but this is about healthy choices.

Move on, and try to be positive. He may still be a good person, and may or may not become a part of your life. But you've grown as a person, by being brave enough not to falter, nor force a relationship that is not meant to me.

So swap the martini for some Bollinger and say, "Next!"

Confessions On a Dance Floor

2005-11-15T12:42:00.000-05:00

CNN.com has a good article looking at the kindler, gentler Madonna.

Her new album is in stores today. I've been listening to it for a couple of weeks and it's pretty good. I can definitely hear the Mirwais influences, although not as pronounced as with the acid house of American Life. Actually, a lot of the production work and arrangement reminds me of Giorgio Moroder.

Worth buying, as I will be doing this week.

Sling It in Style

2005-11-15T11:15:00.000-05:00

Warning: links may not be safe for work.

Now that I've got your attention, here are some modern takes on men's underwear, offered by Vizeau.

This one is because you've always wanted to be asymmetrical, right?
Or maybe your inner exhibitionist wants to play peek-a-boo.
Er, I don't have any idea what that one is for!

I hope their clientele consists primarily of underwear models, though, because some things should not be warn by "normal" guys!

Found via Boing Boing.

Madonna + Rauhofer

2005-11-12T07:11:00.000-05:00

I've always liked Peter Rauhofer's remixes, I really dig the aural vibe he creates (sort of a murky deep house for those who have no idea who he is).

However, I had no idea that he was so photogenic as well as musical! Check out this pic, found via arjanwrites, who posted a pic of Rauhofer and Madonna at the Roxy to promote her new album.

Speaking of Madonna, I really should have written about the 'Hung Up' video. Standouts to me are the girl who is practically a contortionist, and the hot asian guy with the shoulder tattoo. Maybe later this weekend... In the meantime, you can read what channel4.com had to say about 'Hung Up' (and other tunes!) when they ask if it's the "gayest song of the year."

Are Gay Men All Self-Centered?

2005-11-09T12:43:00.000-05:00

I really don't want to think so, but more and more of my recent experiences suggest that it's true, that gay men have a narcissistic tendency towards self-centeredness. Let me share one such event of relative importance to me, which I'm reminded of by having run into my ex today.

My uncle died the weekend before Halloween. I was upset and wanted to talk with someone about this; my ex was the first person I wanted to call, at 10:37pm on a Friday night. Given that we don't talk a lot, due to a strained friendship lately, the fact that I was calling at an unheard of hour should have prompted some kind of response.

But there was no answer, so I left a message and moved on to more accessible friends.

Unbelieveably, I did not get a response until 4:30 pm the next day. And even then, what I got was, "I'm sorry, but I only have a minute, I'm getting ready for a party." Incredible! The person who knows me better than anyone, who professes that I am an important part of his life due to our shared history, basically blew me off for the weekend when I really needed his support.

This wasn't a trivial call, a how-ya-doin' attempt at sociability. I was shaken and reaching out... for nothing at all.

He tried to phone Sunday night, but the damage was done, and I chose not to take the call. I wish he'd have been less self-centered, and willing to be there when I needed him; not after he'd spent the weekend partying and making me feel like a minor afterthought. I know he can find time to care for others -- he drove his boyfriend to the hospital on a recent weekend for a case of conjunctivitis, after all.

Shouldn't those people who one claims are dear friends, rate just as high on the scale of worth?

'Ro's Can Be as Cool as 'Mo's *

2005-11-08T15:02:00.000-05:00

Or: bridging the pseudo-gender divide.

Last night I had dinner with a gay friend, a straight friend and my date. Despite the 3:1 ratio and his southern backround, my 'ro friend had a good time. Not that I didn't expect him to; but it's a good reminder that the divide isn't as great as some would have you believe.

Every gay man should have a straight male friend or two that he can rely on. The community that our little co-culture partakes in can be practically inbred. For my unenlightened readers, here's an exercise. Next time you are out at a gay party or event, start asking about who has slept with who. You might be in for a shock when you learn that two degrees of separation is common -- and a maximum!

It's good to balance this with someone from the "outside," which can provide a different viewpoint and contrasting opinions when they are needed.

Just be prepared to talk about guns, sports or women in return!

In all, a fun evening with shopping, food and alcohol. And it was nice to see my friends mingle. I'll have to sponsor "mixed company" events more often!

* The slang 'ro is courtesy of my friend, who felt left out by not having a hip and descriptive nickname comparable to 'mo.

Knowing Who to Count On

2005-11-04T08:22:00.000-05:00

Simple advice, but easily forgotten: know who you can count on when the going gets tough.

I write this before I go to attend my uncle's funeral, and I really appreciate the emotional support my friends have given me.

My thanks to those who were there for me this week, offering sympathy, quiet support or lending an ear.

Veronica Mars

2005-11-02T21:58:00.000-05:00

I am so hooked on UPN's Veronica Mars as of tonight, which was a repeat of the second season's premiere. Check it out.

Duncan (Teddy Dunn) visiting Veronica at her coffee shop job, until she fell for him, was a bit unrealistic. Sweet, yes. But if I visited a guy working retail like that, I'd likely be considered a stalker, rather than charming the object of my affections.

Ah well, that's why "the sun always shines on tv."

It was also nice to see Naima. I understand that Joss Whedon and a surprise guest from America's Next Top Model will be on next week's show.

Metrosexuals in India

2005-11-02T14:36:00.000-05:00

The BBC posted an interesting article about a skin-care product marketed to the Indian male who wishes to be more attractive. Apparently, the Indian ideal is to be fair-skinned, and a new cream is being aggressively advertised to target Indian men who want to be more attractive by going Jacko (as it were).

Just what the world needs, more metrosexuals to confuse us gay men. Believe me, there are plenty of straight guys who dress well and tend to their appearance, and it has the desired effect of increasing their attractiveness. Much to the chagrin of us 'mos, who can't tell if that dapper dude is gay or "just metro."

Under Construction

2005-11-01T16:40:00.000-05:00

Pardon me while I work on a new site template, and recover old posts.

Poison

2005-10-27T20:17:00.000-04:00

This morning I was belatedly turned on to an awesome dance remake of Alice Cooper's Poison, by Groove Coverage. I thought I would share the lyrics for today's post, as a followup to yesterday's topic. It can also be pleasant to remember that guy who got into your system, even knowing he was bad for you. ;)

Thanks to iTunes Music Store and Seattle's CM 89.5FM for my finding this (I always did like the original). A clip of the song is also available from amazon.com on the Groove Coverage: Greatest Hits page.

Poison

Your cruel device
your blood, like ice
One look, could kill
My pain, your thrill...

I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison, running through my veins
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains

Your mouth, so hot
Your web, I'm caught
Your skin, so wet
Black lace, on sweat....

I hear you calling and it's needles and pins
I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name
Don't wanna touch you but you're under my skin
I wanna kiss you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison, running through my veins
You're poison, I don't wanna break these chains
Poison...

One look, could kill
My pain, your thrill...

I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison, running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison ...

I wanna love you but I better not touch
I wanna hold you, but my senses tell me to stop
I wanna kiss you but I want it too much
I wanna taste you but your lips are venomous poison
You're poison, running through my veins
You're poison
I don't wanna break these chains
Poison

The Inadvertent Rejection

2005-10-23T17:08:00.000-04:00

What is the Inadvertent Rejection? Imagine for a moment that you've met the perfect guy: he's handsome, charming, funny, sweet, thoughtful and so on, according to whatever standards comprise that little chunk of your personal well-being on the Maslow heirarchy.

The two of you hit it off, and have great, stimulating conversations, maybe a great date or two. Generally you pick up vibes of interest, perhaps explicitly verbalized, or maybe implied, but the chemistry appears to be there.

Then without warning, the excuses begin. He's busy. He has to work late. Visit his family. His sister's family member died, damn it all. Or the two of you perpetually play phone tag. Whatever. The catch is that through all this, he still conveys interest in you.... there is still just enough of that ol' black magic between you, and he lets you know it, thus keeping your hopes up.

In the end, all is for naught, and you realize that YOU need to be the one to end the relationship. His behavior has become the Inadvertent Rejection: in a classic passive-aggressive style, he has ended the relationship without overt effort, even if he still wants to have one. And there is a good chance that this guy does want one. But not with you, and not at this time, hence the situation.

I seem to attract a lot of these guys. Or maybe -- perish the thought -- I choose these kinds of guys. Coping with the aftermath of this pseudo-relationship can be tough, because I know that I often really liked the guy in question, and thought he liked me too. The only advice I can give, is to remember that it's not about you, that the other person has his own set of needs, and you are likely on the periphery of his attention. He may like you, but that's as far as it will go. Break away as soon as you spot the pattern, because you're better than that. Really!

Get Fat on Mickey D's at Home!

2005-10-23T13:08:00.000-04:00

I thought this was amusing, a web page devoted to creating McDonald's secret recipes at home.

I don't eat at McDonald's, and neither should you if you want to stay trim. I'm sure there are plenty of people sold on their print ad, which features a woman holding a value meal and saying, "Now that's my kind of shopping!" But for those poor souls who actually would rather spend their money on actual things, you can now make McD's on-the-cheap at home, and be lovin' it without setting foot in a slow-moving fast-food chain.

Oh, and the reason I don't eat at McDonald's anymore, besides health? Try going to one that's slow, has rude staff and reeks of urine. I guarantee you'll never go back, either.

Why did I blog this? Amusement. If you feel tainted now, feel free to purify yourself by reading about the rich and famous at New York Social Diary. See how many photos you can spot of Somers Farkas and Muffy Potter Aston. (Jackie Collins would be hard pressed to come up with such great names for her glitzy sagas!) And can anyone hook me up with that Eric Villency?

Flock On!

2005-10-20T22:30:00.000-04:00

I got my hands on the developer preview of Flock, a next generation Web Browser that is geared towards Web 2.0, whose theme will be sharing content. Among other features, Flock integrates blogging and Flickr (the photo sharing site I use). So of course I had to test it out, hence this post.

Cheers!

Me in Seattle in 2004

Describe Yourself Concisely

2005-10-20T18:39:00.000-04:00

It would be great if we had access to a commonly accepted shorthand to describe outselves, particularly in the context of online sites that promote meeting people and dating. A shorthand more meaningful, that is, than the existing GWM and SWF variety. I've already mentioned Consumating.com, which encourages a brief tagline, and a bunch of self-descriptive words. But one can hardly walk up to a stranger in a bar and hand off a business card with a bunch of these tags on it!

Maybe this one is something we can learn about from Starbucks. For example, next time someone asks me about myself, I could say that I am like Kenya coffee:

Bold, complex, with a juicy acidity!

His easygoing response might be in the vein of Decaf Verona:

Bold, but not heavy. 20% Italian.

The jackpot would be a finding a personal ad that succinctly says the following, like Guatamala:

Rich and nutty!

Okay, so that was a bit tongue in cheek. But seriously, if you want to grab someone's attention in the quest for stable relationships, you could learn a thing or two from Starbucks. Be brief, be fun, and a little quirkiness never hurt anyone.

(Side note: I am experience sudden urge to use Engrish!! With having lots of exclaim points!!! I crack up!! All your base are belong to us!!!)

Dating Online

2005-10-17T15:41:00.000-04:00

Online dating can be tough. It works sometimes -- I met someone online (back in the dark ages of 1999) and we had a lengthy relationship. Of course, I've met a couple of total jerks that way too.

Consumating is a website trying a different approach to the dating scene, or at least the getting-to-know people scene. It's a Web 2.0-flavored social service, which means it aims to be a web site that promotes a simple way to exchange information with like-minded people.

Specifically, Consummating.com lets users post a photo, along with tags that identify interests, likes and pretty much any self-defined relevant information. Then the user can search for other users based on their tags, check out photos, scope answers to weekly questions from the site, etc..

It almost looks tongue-in-cheek, but it's definitely a fun site to browse. And I've seen a lot of cute people there.

Successful for dating? Probably not yet. But the kind of person that has found and published to a site like Consummating.com is already likely the kind of person that I'd be inclined to date.

The future is forming around us...

Keeping Score

2005-10-17T10:13:00.000-04:00

No no, this isn't a post about the proverbial notches in a bedpost.

At least, I hope people aren't actually carving a record of their conquests! I know of a young *ahem* lady *gurgh* who keeps a detailed calendar recording the date and time she has slept with each of her partners. When you do two or three in a day, I guess that's a good practice. People: try spending time with one person, rather than sleeping around! It can be more rewarding (and less tiring). Really.

But back to the point of this post: we need more ways to deal with stupid people. I rather enjoyed this idea for when being on the road.

Booyaka!

(original source here)

Why I love Kylie, and So Should You

2005-10-16T16:26:00.000-04:00

She's stunning. She's fabulous. She can get away with blue eye-shadow. What's not to love about Kylie Minogue?

The fact is, she's been very under-appreciated in America. This sassy little Aussie songstress has had a long career, but to Americans, she sang a couple of 80s hits then disappeared until Can't Get You Out of My Head gave her a modern crossover (as in, across the ocean) single.

In Australia, she threw a one-off concert to promote her most recent album, Body Language. A one-off concert complete with set pieces, choreographed dancers, lights, etc.. When is the last time someone is the U.S. was able to go through all that for a single, promotional show?

Kylie has very creative videos. I'm sure many readers have seen the video for her hit Can't Get You Out of My Head, which features a cold and futuristic cityscape. The video for Come Into My World is even more impressive, to my way of thinking; I literally watched that thing ten times in a row, noticing more and more of the details and happenings in the background each time. I have to wonder, who conceives that, and is able to make such a cool effort happen?!

So, if you're one of the Americans who haven't given Kylie a chance, please do. Fever is a well-crafted pop effort, whereas Body Language has more of a sexy, R&B feel. Ultimate is a best-of collection, worth the effort if you want to sample Kylie's entire career. (Although I feel a lot of the old stuff hasn't aged well.) And finally, check out her DVD collection, also titled Ultimate to see the aforementioned video genuis.

And a note to the gals and gay men: Kylie chooses incredibly well-built, attractive men to appear in her videos and concerts. Feel free to be self-indulgently shallow while watching her performances.

Hung Up on Madonna

2005-10-15T12:34:00.000-04:00

I got to check out Madonna's new single "Hung Up," from her upcoming album, Confessions on a Dance Floor. Excellent!

I have to admit, Madge's (as they call her in the UK) recent work has been hit or miss, in my opinion. I kind of tuned out from Madonna after Erotica, and until Music -- which became a post-relationship breakup anthem album for me.

American Life was a new direction for this Mrs. M., with the acid-styled title track (meh), an ode to "Hollywood" (yeah), and some acoustic loveliness in the sublime "X-Static Process." I was wondering what to expect next.

If this driving tune titled "Hung Up," an angry foot-stomper built around an Abba sample, is any indication... then I'm really going to like the new album. Hooray for Madonna!

Also, congrats to Madge for taking the plunge and going live on the iTunes Music Store. Now if only they would include the vast catalog of her remixes...

[You can buy the album "Confessions on a Dance Floor" (Madonna) from amazon.com]

Guys? Twins? Hot? Sign me up!

2005-10-13T09:56:00.000-04:00

For your gratuitous viewing pleasure, as found via the web.

How to overcome shyness and get a date

2005-10-03T12:40:00.000-04:00

This is a tricky one for many people, me included. How the heck do you become outgoing and personable around someone who interests you? After all, that same interest is exactly what can make a person jittery, embarrassed, tongue-tied, confused, excited, and so on... attraction with a hormone rush can make dating anywhere from awkward to traumatic.

So what's a hopeful paramour to do?

My experience gets right down to a basic piece of advice which is tried and true: fake it til you make it. In other words, do your best not to appear timid, scared, nervous or whatever symptoms might actually be plaguing you. Remember, the other person might be just as anxiety ridden.

Personally, I find that if I can just start talking about something, then I can get past any initial romantic hurdles and start getting to know a guy. If I have trouble coming up with a subject, usually the surroundings can provide inspiration: food, drinks, coffee, this bar relative to that restaurant, and so on.

Yes, it's relatively basic advice. And sometimes the lust like is so strong that even this tactic will fail. But I find in general, ploughing forward as if it's the most natural thing in the world (which it can be!) can serve me well.

Next time you're on a new date, go ahead and fake it if you need to. Pretty soon you'll be making it.

Post-Birthday Wrap-Up

2005-10-02T10:27:00.000-04:00

It was a busily hedonistic week+ of birthday inspired celebration for me this year! Let me wax poetically personal for this entry, and just talk a bit about the week by reviewing the highlight activities I indulged in with the help of various friends.

I have to say, eating was quite a theme for the week... I usually don't eat so much, in order to be healthy and slim. But I had a perfect excuse all week: "I can blah blah blah, because it's my birthday!" Oi me.

Starting on Thursday 9/22 and running through today, activites included:

Eating pizza (a rare treat nowadays) while watching Final Fantasy: Advent Children again. I want to either bring fingerless or martial-arts-style gloves back in fashion now!
A spot of shopping, which was mainly the purchase of a Mac Mini. I was able to wear my brand new Chanel Allure Sport gift as well. Guys -- this scent is HOT! Check it out.
Had a lovely Turkish lunch on the east side of town... I was quite full afterwards, since I ate a ton.
Visited my friend's housewarming party, which was a lot of fun, not to mention another opportunity to eat good food.
Stopped by Snickers restaurant, a cute little intimate restaurant, for drinks.
Spent a day at a beautiful winery, with plenty of scenery, and more plentiful food. After all -- it was my birthday!
Watched MadTV, that bastion of insane wit.
Morning breakfast (bagels), so that I could be called "sir" by a young gay man who I know elsewhere as a barback; followed up by coffee at Borders Books.
A coffee date
A birthday lunch with my ex
Treated to drinks (from both a friend, and from the bartender) at my favorite little bar, Lava Lounge in the Tremont area.
Visited a cute little wine bar with my new date
A third date!!!
Homemade dinner with my family. And -- the only day I permitted myself birthday cake. Mmmm, cake!

All in all, a good week, I was pretty tired by the end. We now return to your regularly scheduled, and not so self-absorbed, blog. :)

Pre-Birthday Weekend

2005-09-25T20:45:00.000-04:00

This was the weekend of my pre-birthday celebration. Unlike many, I refuse to duck in order to avoid getting hit by the increment of my age (to 33, for those keeping track.)

Guys with Nice Legs

2005-09-18T14:44:00.000-04:00

For your gratuitous viewing pleasure, here are a couple of pictures I grabbed this morning. They are of a guy who had the nicest pair of legs I can remember seeing... YMMV (your mileage may very). The photo angle doesn't quite do them justice, but enjoy.... I did!

Should I post more pics like this? Let me know what you think.

Do opposites attract?

2005-09-18T14:40:00.000-04:00

Here I am, on Sunday morning, at Caribou Coffee, writing away and stuff. I'm listening to a recording I made last night of Club 80s with DJ Lex, an internet radio station that plays 80s New Wave mixes, old and modern. Also, Mac users -- check out Audio Hijack Pro from Rogue Amoeba, which is how I recorded said radio station.

Isn't it funny how opposites often seem to attract? I imaging we all know an extrovert who is hopelessly in love with an introvert, or a neat freak living with an incurable slob, or even the plain-jane devoted to the glamour gal. This morning I saw an odd pairing: a somewhat fey man resembling Dave Gahan with "Jesus-hair," with a beefy jock. The Gahan-alike even had a little leather purse.

I watched them leave together, and they hugged tightly before entering their pickup trucks. (!) Admittedly, they may not have been an actual couple, although evidence pointed in that general direction. Regardless, it led me to ponder pairings of people who are polar opposites, according to the theory of opposites attract. Is this true? Should I be looking for a flamboyant extrovert to balance out my reserved tendencies?

Actually, I've done that, it didn't work out overall. Those flamboyant tendencies can really grate, especially in a social settings, when he suddenly transformed from my hip, loveable boyfriend to The Lord of the Camp. It was like dating two people, the one I liked to be with, and the obnoxious one who became a diva in public. Blech to that. The obvious solution is to find someone like oneself, with enough differences to encourage growth/betterment, but not being too far away on the personality scale.

Art Deco is Cool

2005-09-14T16:34:00.000-04:00

This beautiful fountain is located in Cleveland, Ohio. It is a good example of why I like art deco, and so should you.

Dating a lifestyle accessory

2005-08-10T04:53:00.000-04:00

Dating in the 00's. (Isn't that strange to say?) On the surface it's a whole new game for those of us hitting that pool. We have so many options to sort through to find Mr. or Mrs. (or just plain Ms.) Right-for-even-a-short-while. Online personal ads, once a strange new frontier, have become mainstream. Speed dating is a hit-and-run affair for the guy or gal on the go, who wants to spend eight minutes getting to know someone rather than risk a lengthy courtship with potentially negative ROI. Health risks? Definitely a concern. The new millennium continues to bring an openness about sexuality that is refreshing in some ways, but a liability in others -- those looking for love have to contend with those out to fulfill their lustful fantasies and be gone in the morning.

Despite all of this, there is still the same desire at heart: finding that special someone, whatever that means to the person hunting. Unfortunately, dating has left many bitter and jaded. The result of this is a willingness to settle for something less than "perfect," to grab onto whatever happiness a person can hold onto, even if it means letting go of long-cherished romantic dreams or amorous ideals. Enter the lifestyle accessory.

What is a lifestyle accessory as pertains to relationships? In my definition, this is dating someone who complements the lifestyle that an individual aspires to achieve, but is unable to reach on his own; a sort of laissez-faire materialism that nestles well with status-seeking symbolism of the day.

Let me illustrate by talking about my ex. We dated fairly seriously, for a four-and-a-half year period of time. During this period, I watched him grow into a wannabe socialite, reading the likes of Hello!, Town & Country and New York Social Diary. He carried himself well, but in public was an over-the-top persona that jokingly referred to the lifestyle it seemed he desired. If you've ever seen AbFab, think of Patsy Stone but less campy and no drugs. Of course this sort of thing was quite entertaining to people (me included -- to a point) so there was no incentive to be otherwise. And my ex was handsome in that dark-haired pretty sort of way that only a gay man with pectorals can be, so there was no shortage of admirers to play into this scene.

Although we dated for such a lengthy period of time, we kept such things as residences and financials separate. I was afraid to commit (something I realized later), and he was frustrated by not having physical and monetary proof of solidarity. I was always hearing about our friends' matching Tag Heuer watches, or second home, or shared bank accounts. This desire on his part was justifiable in that I had almost double his income, meaning I would have to participate for us to own these finer things in life.

Eventually we split, and he is now dating his first new guy, who I have dubbed a lifestyle accessory. This is reflected in the qualifications Mr. New brings to the table.

braggable career (an attorney)
higher income than Mr. Previous (I'm guessing near or at six-figures)
a city home in a trendy area, something the ex always wanted
knows a lot of people through work, which provides excellent social climbing opportunities
older and less attractive (the ex always says he has to be the pretty one)

Recently in talking with the ex, I pointed these things out. One of the things that came out of our discussion was that he would never date anyone who made less money than him. Financial security is tied to happiness in his case, and thus, the lower-five-figure (or less!) income category would never have a shot at catching his heart.

I was dumbfounded. My ex, who I loved for the four years we dated and almost two years beyond, was suddenly a stranger to me. It sounds melodramatic, but I was shocked to my core, that someone I loved was justifying values that made perfect sense to him but seemed so shallow than me.

Is he right? Should financial security dictate relationships? Is the lifestyle accessory the ultimate trophy to have in today's status-seeking times? I admit that I tend to be a romantic, and despite my cynicism I want to say no.

Even though my next ex also dumbfounded me by declaring that he wanted to date someone that would give him a combined income of $100k+, so that "they" could afford a nicely affluent lifestyle....